Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
