i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
