brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
