What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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