Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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