One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
