Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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