He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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