Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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