she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
