Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
