lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
