Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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