I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
