Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
