i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
