I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
