Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
