1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
