so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
