i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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