Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
