$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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