dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
