My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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