I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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