32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
