watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
