I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
