I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
