That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
