Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
