i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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