Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she smelled like a LAN party
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
