Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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