i need an iv and a liver transplant
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
nutella sex= disaster
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
