sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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