Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
