I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
