remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The power of my boobs compel you
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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