You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
