I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
