That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
