i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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