hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
