My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
