ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
