We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
