so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
