on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
