My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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