Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
